It is often said that nature cannot be altered by nurture, that the personal qualities a child is born with determine who they become. That is not my experience. While it is unquestionably true that everyone has an individual personality that makes them who they are, how that person develops into him or her self is governed by the quality of guidance they receive from parents and other adults responsible for their upbringing.
For the most part, parents do an excellent job. They set reasonable boundaries that are enforced with kindness, loving attention, and, when needed, firm and fair discipline. They seed ambition early on, and instil a determination to persevere when faced with difficult challenges. They listen to their children, adjusting rules as children mature. Children raised in these environments feel safe; they know how to earn praise and respect for their actions and achievements. They want to please and they rejoice in the resulting rewards.
Families often consult Tutors International when something has gone wrong or is heading that way. A child may be failing at school, or have lost interest in a sport or other interest for which they have a talent. Worse still he or she may have become involved with unsuitable friends, are making poor choices, or behaving inappropriately towards parents, siblings or peers. Almost all these kinds of situations, it turns out, have at their root cause, insufficient structure for a child, unclear boundaries, or perhaps most commonly of all, inconsistent reward systems.
We often meet children who have given up completely because they see no point in trying to reach the goals they have been set. No matter how well they do it is never enough for their parents or teachers. Reaching one goal does not result in a celebration of that success before the creation of the next one; instead, the bar is raised, goalposts moved, and expectations increased.
Our Clients are very often highly successful business leaders and know the relationship between rewarding success and setting higher targets. Yet they often come to us for advice on how to manage issues at home. We can always help, and invite anyone who has concerns to contact us for an informal chat.
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